I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize