dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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