I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't turn off my feet"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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