I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
