I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
