Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
