coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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