im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize