so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
