There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize