You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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