Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
