"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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