It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
