I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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