They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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