Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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