so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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