so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The best revenge is premature balding
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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