so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
