What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
there is puke in my bra ... again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize