I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
