Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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