Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
