So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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