she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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