we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Boobs are out for the taking
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
