well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
