I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
