my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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