Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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