It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
