My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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