I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
