Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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