wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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