I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think my fart just growled at me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize