I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
