i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Help. Why am I so naked?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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