Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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