If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
