hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We need to get me chipped asap
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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