wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
