guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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