so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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