My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
