You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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