u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
