forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
