Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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