sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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