Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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