its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
