im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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