I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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