How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
