I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
