This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
