Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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