Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My penis needs a shock collar
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
