if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Alive.
So much puke
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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