I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
