dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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