just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Too much gin, very little bucket
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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