Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
