..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just invented taco cereal.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
