she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize