How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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