Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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