cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
