I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
