just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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