I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
