We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
youre lurking in front of me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
