I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
