At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
