I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
