a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
