actually, I'm a sock model
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
