Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
