Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
