i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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