Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
