Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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