I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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