you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
stop calling my apartment porn island.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
