How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
