Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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