first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
