i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
