We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
