i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
