She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
This house was built for laser tag.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
