her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize