My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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