the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
