We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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