apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
