It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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