make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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