Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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