I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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