So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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